You Must Be Proud....

Last week I congratulated six-tear-old Sam
on a neatly done, correct paper, saying,
"You must be proud of yourself!"

He looked me straight in the eye and replied,
"You know pride is a sin."

Powerpoint Lesson

This morning I went to a PowerPoint links class.
I've long appreciated the organizational aspects of PowerPoint,
and thought I could use it well.
... and I may,
but this morning's class taught me other lessons as well.
It reminded me what it is like to be a slow learner.

I arrived slightly before the class began
and chose a corner computer
where my lack of skills would not be as noticeable.
Ten minutes into the class,
a younger,
enthusiastic,
technologically skilled person
sat down beside me.
During the down time,
she zipped to the youtube site
for entertainment,
singing moms,
dance history,
shadow bunnies*,
and used a plug-in stick (?)
to show her son's first grade year.
I envied her prowess.
As we worked on PowerPoint (PowerPoints?)
hers danced
and talked
and had many colors.
Mine stared at me,
malfunctioning,
and it was my fault.
After trying whatever made sense to me
and some things that didn't,
I raised my hand for help.
My neighbor knew the answer before the teacher even got there.
How does she know that?

Eventually I got through everything twice;
the first time blindly following directions,
the second time writing things down
and beginning to understand the "whys."

On the drive home,
I had more sympathy for Holly
who seems to have no idea how adding works,
and Derrick
who has great difficulty with letters and sounds
and makes so many of his letters and numbers backwards.
They keep smiling
and trying their best
as they get individual attention.

When I got home,
I went directly to the computer.
Microsoft Powerpoint 2003...
It isn't the same as the school's.
Forget the links,
I tried three different times to find a way
just to make a second page.
No luck so far.
Aaaaaauuuuugh!

So instead I complain to you
and give thanks that most learning comes easily.
I will try again in a few minutes
praying for intuition.

S

*The shadow bunnies were AMAZING. Shadow puppetry to "Wonderful World." Click here. Maybe it will work!

Haikus for Jews

I had no school on Monday due to Veterans Day
(though what better place to remember than school?)
and I went to Ollie's,
my favorite cheap bookstore.
It was there I found Haikus for Jews by David Bader.
I laughed so hard the checkout that I distracted
the checkout people several displays away.

That night I reread it in bed.
Poor Denny.
Between my laugh decibels and my sneeze decibels
it's a wonder that he has any hearing left.

Following is a smattering:

Scrabble anarchy
after Putzhead is placed on
a triple word score.

Like a bonsai tree,
your terrible posture at
my dinner table.

The spitting image
of her father. Down the road
rhinoplasty, yes?

Today I am a
man. Tomorrow I return to
the seventh grade.

Left the door open
for the prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

Bare autumn branches,
the old crow sits. Mother, come
down from there at once.

Hava nagila,
hava nagila, hava--
enough already.

S.

Squirrel Thoughts

What is on the Squirrel's mind these days?

If the approach of our winter
means the northern hemisphere is tipping away from the sun,
and that means the rays have to travel
through more atmosphere before hitting the ground,
and more atmosphere means brighter colors at sunrise and sunset,
wouldn't the most spectacular sky color
be found during December and January,
the closer to the Arctic Circle the better?
(North of the Artic Circle would be dark all of the time,
but the Aurora Borealis should make up for the sunset/sunrise color loss.)
Keep your eyes on the skies....

He wonders if the rumor about
dropping the comma in front of and in American lists is true.
If so, who gave the OK?
And how did they get that power?

He also agrees with the kindergartener
who told him that plastic army guys look better
after you play with them in dirt.

The Squirrel wants you to know
that he handles all academic and aesthetic questions;
social questions are now referred to his new neighbor,
the Inner Duck.

The Inner Duck wishes Katrina a happy birthday,
and Denny a happy belated birthday.
Much love to both.

S.